Have you ever eaten an orange? Whole? With your eyesocket? That’s what I thought. Not that I have. But someday, someone might. And when they do, I’ll be prepared! So today I saw an ostrich giving birth to a rhino egg. Just another day in the “thug life.” Sorry. Not really. Thugs need to stop using my air immediately. Hateful creatures, thugs are. Raping and stealing and whatnot, with their dongs flapping in the wind as the barely-there loincloth is ripped away by the bullets of a thousand cops. Dangling there like the soviet flag, covered in blood and bulletholes. By the way, the soviets lost. That’s right, I’m comparing male genetalia to the USSR. I hate commies. And hipsters, who I’ve been told populate tumblr. Guess what. Breakin’ the mold! Too hipster for hipsterism. Right wing all the way. Go Glenn Beck! Moving on, when will anyone read this? Probably never. I’m almost completely sure that no one will ever ever read this. Which is kind of a good thing.

-ElkVortex